The Days of Happy

I didn't write about Happy before because I thought that a post about a ridiculously cute fur ball might just be silly. But now, I wonder if I didn't mention her because on some level I knew that her days were numbered. Last Wednesday evening, Happy the bunny was hit by a car, and Isabel and I had to make the tough decision to put her to sleep. "I don't want her in more pain, Mommy. I can handle it." It was very very sad. For both of us. This little bunny came into our lives last October when we went to the fish store to replace Isabel's recently deceased fish, "Owl-Freak". Instead, we came home with Happy. She was irresistible. Cutest little thing. Mellow and friendly, beyond snuggly. We would take her everywhere. To the market, to the park, to Mike's gigs..Besides the constant threat of bunny pee, she was very portable. Alas, Happy grew and grew and while she continued to be cute, she began to be less friendly and less mellow. Basically, she grew up to be a Rabbit. A wild rabbit. One who likes to nip and nibble and use her big feet to kick out of her cage and run free. Fast and furiously. After many scratches and endless chases around the yard, neither Isabel or I gave up on her. We loved that crazy rabbit. As much as I joked that she was a pain and I should just "lose" her, I can't seem to shake the sadness. I can't bare to face her empty hutch. Isabel was devastated to see her bunny hurt, but now that she is gone, she has skipped past the trauma like a philosophical soldier. I am a wimp. Or, perhaps I am just placing weight on the significance of these experiences on my daughter. I watched her walk onto the play ground the morning after. She waved goodbye and eased into a group of friends already playing a game. She has a healing wound on her forehead from a recent emergency room trip, and she just lost her pet bunny. My baby is in the world, living a life. She has stories to tell now. She's beginning to learn that life is complex and that it involves pain and hurt, love and loss. But, she seems ok with it. For her, I wonder if I'll ever be.

Now, with Easter just around the corner, bunnies are everywhere. Sniff. While the days of our Happy have come and gone, we now look to goldfish Wiggle and Sniggle, the 2 newest member of our family. "Pets that don't have feet so they can't run away".

So Far, So Bright.

After a full and fun (and long) holiday season, I was Ready for the New Year to start. Ready to dive into a couple of projects that had been brewing towards the end of last year. Ready to hit the ground running, to dig in and to engage an inspired 2011. Now, at the end of February, I am still ready. Sure, I've been busy. But not with the dig-in stuff. Two things I have learned as a freelancer (yet seem to re-learn again and again) are: 1. You cannot count on timing to be just right and, 2. letting go of the idea that "I know what the future holds" is extremely liberating. When I am in a clear, calm head, I embrace these notions, and am able to just BE in the present. I don't think too far ahead, instead, I focus on the now. I do "the work", I do good work, and hopefully, I enjoy it. And, when not busy with work, I relish in my leisure time. Every so often, I de-rail from this way of thinking, and thoughts start to buzz and hum, "Where am I headed?", "Have I become the misc. project specialist?"; "What are my ideas and projects building, exactly?".

Thankfully, I have Isabel to snap me out of it. There is no better reminder of how to live life than watching this 6 year old. The girl just rolls with everything. Usually, with a smile. Looking at pictures of the past two months, my brow un-furrows a bit, and my eyes start to open to the fun we have been having. Oh, yeah. Right. And, no doubt, there will be a time soon when I am not free to treat her to ice cream at 3:30 in the afternoon on a Thursday. I am looking forward to that today.